we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
