Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
