I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
