dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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