We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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