Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
