I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
