Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
