So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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