hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
