he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my shit smells like andre
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
