I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
