he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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