i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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