It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
