I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
