Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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