we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
