Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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