I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
