I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
