He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
