you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
