to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
