Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
