At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
