So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
