He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
