so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
