I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
