Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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