Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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