He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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