is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
