Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life