Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26