i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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