I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.