Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.