just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.