Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk

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(571): it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk http://tfl.nu/mdkh

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(217): View more from Illinois

she looks like luggage that fell from a plane

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(217): she looks like luggage that fell from a plane http://tfl.nu/yvwr

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(480): View more from Arizona

so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

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(480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out. http://tfl.nu/rr3m

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(801): View more from Utah

She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.

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(801): She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex. http://tfl.nu/3ix3

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(303): View more from Colorado

She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

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(303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.

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(778): I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT. http://tfl.nu/jn8b

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"

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(401): No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out" http://tfl.nu/ac7g

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...

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(412): Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse... http://tfl.nu/ttob

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(601): View more from Mississippi

So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.

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(601): So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment. http://tfl.nu/ledy

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(734): View more from Michigan

you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.

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(734): you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you. http://tfl.nu/57kx

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.

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(860): I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS. http://tfl.nu/9u6p

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(303): View more from Colorado

Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.

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(303): Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious. http://tfl.nu/zbxr

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."

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(405): Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin." http://tfl.nu/pbfg

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(716): View more from New York

The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.

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(716): The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West. http://tfl.nu/935n

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(530): View more from California

Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.

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(530): Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs. http://tfl.nu/m09k

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