sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.