Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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