thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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