remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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