i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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