i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
