i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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