Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
