i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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