im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
