"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
