i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
