hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
