Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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