watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
