Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
