Define "chronic" masturbator.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
