Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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