we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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