if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
