we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
