Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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