Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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