Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
