It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Pooping to opera.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
