Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.

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  (919): um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign. (1-919): hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred. (919): my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted. http://tfl.nu/05eg
  Replies (15) Good night (741) Bad night (2856)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.

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  (617): Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die. http://tfl.nu/uh26
  Replies (6) Good night (672) Bad night (1944)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I'm banging this nun...

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...

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  (847): So I'm banging this nun... (314): Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already... http://tfl.nu/ygf2
  Replies (35) Good night (7362) Bad night (678)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (14088) Bad night (1388)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

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  (404): hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away http://tfl.nu/s83j
  Replies (6) Good night (3853) Bad night (916)
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  (420): View more from

  So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth

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  (420): So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth http://tfl.nu/5fuc
  Replies (18) Good night (970) Bad night (6499)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.

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  (410): i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow. http://tfl.nu/v829
  Replies (32) Good night (4695) Bad night (1903)
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  (661): View more from California

  I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

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  (661): I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it http://tfl.nu/bivl
  Replies (15) Good night (1230) Bad night (6719)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?

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  (570): Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie? http://tfl.nu/rubz
  Replies (3) Good night (1732) Bad night (553)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.

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  (860): I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS. http://tfl.nu/9u6p
  Replies (9) Good night (1501) Bad night (660)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's a mixed blessing.

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  (919): Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day. (1-919): I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover. (919): It's a mixed blessing. http://tfl.nu/jmyr
  Replies (10) Good night (1589) Bad night (455)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"

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  (509): So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila" http://tfl.nu/anii
  Replies (3) Good night (2083) Bad night (459)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!

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  (+44): THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!! http://tfl.nu/qwat
  Replies (10) Good night (1020) Bad night (340)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The uberlube is also flammable

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  (585): The uberlube is also flammable http://tfl.nu/uc5d
  Replies (4) Good night (253) Bad night (353)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.

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  (808): well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club. http://tfl.nu/3hkg
  Replies (1) Good night (502) Bad night (221)

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