I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
