playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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