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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm coming over.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.

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• (209): View more from California

  kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.

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  You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (772): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.

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• (562): View more from California

  He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...

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• 

  27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (347): View more from New York

  Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun

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• (585): View more from New York

  If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?

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• (909): View more from California

  the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.

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