I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
